A Mom-less Bride

This isn't going to be some crazy overly-sentimental post, but it's something that's bounced around my head lately, maybe because I've been spending too much time reading wedding blogs.

As many of you know, I lost my mom in July to a very short battle with cancer. I'm not going to lie and say that not having her to help me plan is the most devastating thing ever, but it's weird. Lots of brides talk about knowing that their dress is "The One" because mom cried and had a crazy epiphany, offering to buy a dress that was way out of their price range. My mom was in a different state when I chose my dress; partly because I didn't plan to BUY that day (but was "given an offer I couldn't refuse), party because, honestly, I didn't want her there.

OMG! The SHOCK! The HORROR of not wanting your mom with you when trying on your dress or every other little aspect of wedding planning. I'll let you calm down for a second...there, are you okay? Good, let's continue.

My mom was a little dramatic and a little crazy. And that was on good days. I loved my mom, but dealing with her lead to more than one headache over my life, which increased after my brother passed away in 2007. I knew that having her involved in a major way with any of my wedding plans would most likely lead to personal stress and possibly some type of argument or other drama. I had already thought of work-arounds so I could reduce the burden yet still make her happy & feel involved. None of those need to be done anymore, and I can  breathe a sigh of relief yet feel some guilt for that sigh. It's odd being both happy and sad about not having your parent around. My mom loved me as much as her mental illness would allow, never abused me, and wanted to give me more than she was able to with her financial & mental limitations. Sometimes I got angry or frustrated, but I never stopped loving and wanting to give her everything I could. It's awkward to get that look of pity from vendors when you say your mom is no longer around; it's worse when you feel like you don't exactly deserve that pity.